I've been thinking about body image a lot lately.
It's pretty obvious when you look at me that I am not in shape. Not very close to it either. This is a statement of fact. I've also gained a considerable amount of weight since I've gotten home. However the only reason I really noticed is my clothes stopped fitting as well and I went to the doctors. Now that I've been thinking about it I notice and recognize that I need to take better care of my body.
When I was a freshman in high school I began dieting. I stopped drinking all pop and eating candy. At first I ate diet meal bars for lunch, but then as my sophomore year began I was eating only an apple from breakfast until dinner. During p.e. I ran my heart out, frequently with the goal of pushing myself to the point of throwing up. I did this for a couple reasons. First, the guy I liked only liked skinny girls. I was trying to fit into the mold I perceived he had. Second, all my friends were skinnier than me. Once I started I was on a goal of forever losing weight. I looked in the mirror and only saw how fat I was, how much bigger I was than any of my friends.
Me on the far right October 2006
My friends and I would do things like have formal dress parties where we all got together and put on our dresses and felt pretty. The only one I fit into was mine so I'm behind everyone in the picture to hid the fact that I am in the same dress I was last time.
In January of 2007 I had to have 3 surgeries on my foot leaving me out of my crazy exercise for a while. I never regained the active lifestyle that I had and have basically been gaining weight since.
The real question is why have I been so comfortable with my pretty obvious unhealthy and unflattering weight gain when before, when I looked much better, I was so unhappy with my appearance?
It's all about doing it for the right reasons. If you do it for someone to like you better then your happiness and satisfaction with yourself will be dependent on whether it was successful in getting that person to like you. It's got to be all about you and your health. You are wonderful just the way you are. You'd still be wonderful whether you are a size 2 or a size 32.
ReplyDeleteAnd if you do want to lose weight, please please please don't starve yourself and run until you vomit! You are too good for that!
I totally realize that now! I have also acquired a love of food that I did not have then. Not eating is crazy hard :)
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